Laser Sharks

These are from techradar.com, and sadly,  every single one of these apply to me.  Click the link for the full explanations.  Here is the list:

11. You prefer playing against the computer
10. You only play when your significant other is out
9. You believe that winning isn’t everything
8. It’s been days, not hours since you last switched on your console
7. You’re the oldest person trading in games at GameStation
6. You like your Xbox 360 and your PS3 equally
5. You fondly remember a ‘golden age’ of gaming
4. You avoid playing on the Wii because it’s too much effort
3. Your FPS experience consists of spawn, run, die… spawn, run, die… spawn…
2. You find the idea of videogames based on board games perfectly acceptable
1. You’ve pre-ordered GTA IV but don’t mind if it doesn’t turn up on launch day

Popularity: 28% [?]

On the Halo series page at Wikipedia, an edit originated from Sony Computer Entertainment casts aspersions on Microsoft’s Halo 3. In the Halo 3 section of the Halo page, Sony added “(Halo 3) wont look any better than Halo 2.” (See the first and second story images attached below.) Since then, the Halo page has been corrected and locked from further vandalism.

The WikiScanner discovery is reported on Wired’s ‘Threat Level’. The report and IP address have been checked by Wired senior editor Kevin Poulsen, (i.e., see the third attached image for Poulsen’s comments; “Sony insults Halo 3″ is the second report after the Walmart report.)

Finally, the forth and last image was taken from a ‘Whois’ search at the RIPE.net database for “217.18.23.2″, the IP address recorded by Wikipedia as having edited the Halo page. The query shows that 217.18.23.2 is registered to SCEE (Sony Computer Entertainment Europe) Liverpool Studios in Great Britain. The result also shows the studio’s physical address, phone number, and email address.

Popularity: 100% [?]

Some decisions in life are obviously more important than others.  There are the decisions such as where to go to college, who to marry, where to live, and when to retire.  Then there are the really important decisions, like who to partner with to play through Halo 3’s campaign the first time.  This helpful guide will aid you in selecting the best partners for your first time through Halo 3.  After all, you want your first time to be special.

1.  Do you have the same schedule?
Do not try to partner up with the guy who works the evening shift if you are in bed every night by 9 PM.  Ideally, you have a set time that everyone gets together and plays.  Lacking this, everyone involved should at least usually be available to play around the same time of day.

2. Will there be any connection issues?
First you must decided if you are going to play System Link or over Xbox Live.  If you decided on System Link, as long as everyone lives close enough to regularly get together then connection issues will not be a problem.  If you choose to play over Xbox Live, then it is a good idea to ensure everyone has a good connection to each other.  Do not include your friend with the roommate who refuses to shut off his P2P downloads.  Also, do not invite the guy who is using ICS to connect to Xbox Live through his dial-up connection.

3. Are you really friends with this person?
If possible, pick someone who is your friend outside of Xbox Live.  xX cr4zy Co0t3r 69 Xx may be good for a pickup match of Gears of War, but if you don’t know even know somebody’s real name, chances are you will have trouble getting them to keep a steady gaming commitment.  Ideally, you should know real names, cell phone numbers, and home addresses of the people with whom you are co-oping.  If game times need to change, you should be able to contact a person directly and not have to just hope that he checks his Xbox Live messages.

4. Is this person actually into the game?
It may seem like a good idea to play through the game with the cute girl you just met who tells you how she enjoys video games and wants likes Halo.  The problem is that some people will tell you anything to make you like them.  You do not want to have to lead a casual gamer who is having problems using two joysticks through the game.  Pick someone who has a proven record of Halo love.  I have known a lot of cute girls.  I have known a lot of hardcore Halo fans.  I have never personally known anyone who is in both groups.  There are obviously some exceptions.

5. Is this someone you will enjoy playing a game with?
You want someone who takes the game seriously.  You do not want someone who takes the game too seriously.  We have all had friends who are “controller throwers.”  They get mad whenever they lose a game and say things that would make a sailor blush.  Losing or dying is so bad to them that it ruins their whole day will let you know about it.  If you tell them to relax, they will utter something about just being highly competitive.  Whenever someone says they are highly competitive, what they mean is “I am a jerk.”  You do not want to go through nine levels of Halo 3 with a jerk.

6. How will the gameplay styles mesh?
Most gamers seem to have at least one of each type of friends.  The first guy is a great sniper who can hit players flying through the air from the passenger seat of the Warthog.  The second guy is the one who refuses to play with anything but the sniper rifle and gets mad if the first guy, or anyone else, picks it up.  These two do not work well together.  It is preferrable to have the first guy on your team, but perhaps he is not available.  You can still have fun with the second guy, but only as long as he is not constantly taking the sniper from someone much better than him.  Basically, make sure everyone knows their role on the team.  Who will play point?  Who should stay back and snipe?  Everything runs much smoother when everyone meshes together.

Popularity: 15% [?]

New from hideapod.com.

Bill was a hired infomercial actor pretending to be on the brink. He used to lose at least half a dozen iPods to relentless and cunning thieves, continually able to outsmart him and relieve him of his portable music boxes. Then, like a shining light at the end of the tunnel, along came Hide-a-Pod*. “It was like a dream come true,” Bill exclaimed: “I picked up a Hide-a-Pod, and I haven’t lost an iPod since. If I leave it somewhere and go back later it’s always right there were I left it.” Harnessing the mathematical perfection of ugliness that only the Brown Zune possesses, Hide-a-Pod makes iPods physically invisible to lower standing members of society. You too can be like Bill, by ordering the Hide-a-Pod today!

Popularity: 5% [?]

Games.net did a feature on the 12 worst video game magazine covers of all time.  Here is the list along with a summary of what’s wrong with each of them.  Check out the full article here.  Here is a summary of the list:

#12

What’s Wrong?
Generic army dude is the most over used character in all game magazines.  He is interchangeable with any military themed gamed and works with most locations, eras, and conflicts.  Just plain boring.

#11

What’s Wrong?
A cardinal rule in the magazine industry is that if the cover features a person then he or she should be staring the reader in the eyes.  This is not what you should do if the cover subject is ugly as sin and has a bad case of lazy eye.

#10

What’s Wrong?
This cover would be preposterous without knowledge of NBA Jam’s “Big Head” mode.  However, even with this knowledge, the cover is still silly.

#9

What’s Wrong?
A game rag is just as responsible for what it printed ten years ago as what it prints today.  Readers may be skeptical reading about how Halo will revolutionize console shooters is going to be when they remember your hyperbole of the game featuring what looks like a poorly made blow-up-doll “to die for.” 

#8

What’s Wrong?
Tom Kalinske did some remarkable things as CEO of Sega during their console-making heyday.  This does not mean he would make an exciting game magazine cover.  Putting a well-known gaming genius like Miyamoto or Kojimi on the cover is acceptable.  Putting a gaming exec not named Reggie is not.

#7

What’s Wrong?
This cover appears to be from some sort of contest where the winning reader-art entry would be used as a cover.  The Battletoads suffered from nobody outside of the original development team being able to draw them correctly, and the result was a lot of air brushed embarrassment for everybody.

#6

What’s Wrong?
Video game magazines should not try to convince readers that a device that can barely be held in one hand can be held between fingertips.

#5

What’s Wrong?
While you have to credit GamePro’s ambition for try to seamlessly blend a wrestling and Star Wars theme, this cover is just too cluttered.  The bottom half of this cover is another example of how art designers in the first half of this decade abused PhotoShop’s Glow function like it was going out of style, which it did after the 10th time in a row they used it.

#4

What’s Wrong?
Sometimes being the first magazine publisher to break a story is more of a curse than a blessing.  This eight-page cover article is devoted to Azurik: Rise of the Perathia, a game that routinely makes top-ten worst games of Xbox lists.  The article talks about the blue guy’s deep back-story and goes to great lengths to explain what developers will do in the sequel, which will never, ever happen.

#3

What’s Wrong?
Game magazine covers should not feature poses that make you wonder whether the graphic designer just got back from Tijuana or Bangkok.

#2

What’s Wrong?
Want to make a bad magazine cover?  Paste as much character art as you can find randomly on a page, apply PhotoShop Glow until your mouse-clicking finger is tired, and then add some blood drips to your logo.

#1

What’s Wrong?
Video game magazines had an unwritten law not to do Resident Evil covers as they always sold poorly at newsstands.  The problem was that all 90s era game magazines used gross-out illustrations that would be better suited on the cover of Fangoria.  Finally, the curse was broken in 2004 when Game Informer used a little out-of-the-box thinking and published a RE4 cover featuring a game hero instead of a monster.

Popularity: 4% [?]

 One of my favorite blogs, Teckh.com, linked to our articles on the best and worst five things about the PS3, Wii, and Xbox 360.  They commented in their post that

Another point I half agree with is the Xbox360 point about hardcore gamers, the more mature PC crowd latched onto the XBOX fairly well, but then so did the less mature jr high kids.

This made me think.  Why does there seem to be such a high number of annoying people on Xbox Live?  It certainly doesn’t seem quite as bad when I play my PS3, PS2, or PC online.   I considered it and came up with the following solution.  

The Xbox 360 is the console of choice for the hardcore crowd and has definitely managed to convert many of the PC only crowd.  It does also attract a lot of 12 year olds, 40 year olds, and everyone in between.  So does every other game console.  The difference is the near universal access to voice chat.  Nearly all of the problems people experience online with “annoying 12 year olds” stem from voice communication.  Most 360 owners have a headset because the most popular SKU includes a headset.  This is not true of any other gaming platform.  Most of the games I have played online on either Playstation system have been either completely quiet or only a few people have had a headset.  Most PC voice chatting is done through third party software where password protected rooms are the norm and usually the people you chat with are already your friends.  Most PC game communication is through the keyboard.  You can only be so annoying when you are limited to text in a small corner of the screen. 

One of the biggest strengths of Xbox Live is also one of its worst problems - most people have a headset.  If team damage is off, then it is very hard to be annoying through gameplay alone.  Most of the annoying gameplay takes place from smack talk gone horribly wrong.

Friendly Tip: If you find yourself playing on Xbox Live with one of those “annoying 12 year olds,” the best thing to do is to ignore them.  If it continues, then just mute them altogether.  Arguing with them just makes it worse.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Remember a decade ago when music was good and there was almost peace in the Middle East? I remember it well, even through all that grain-effect nostalgia takes on (well, in movies, anyway.) I remember all the hot new toys and hot new gadgets and hot new bricks (cell phones) that were “only for emergencies.” I also remember that one video game that nearly everyone had, or at least knew someone that had, and no, I’m not talking about Pokémon. I’m talking about that little electronic gadget you kept in your pocket and checked on all the time. I’m talking about Tamagotchi.

For all you younger readers, Tamagotchi was a little digital pet you interacted with through an LED screen, and it was all the rage. You could feed it, pet it, play with it, and take care of it when it got sick. You just had to remember to do all of this regularly, because if you forgot, your pet would get sad and maybe even die. Of course, this led to every kid constantly checking and playing with his little gadget-friend. And when it inevitably broke, the kid would whine to his parents until they got him a new one (with even more features.) Ah, those were the days.

Tamagotchi toys are a rarity these days. But I’ll tell you what’s not. Cell phones. Every kid has one and every kid plays with it constantly. They download the latest songs, surf the web, share files with friends, create ring tones, play games, instant message, text, take photos and movies. Oh yeah, sometimes they even call people with it, even if it is just to say, “Hey, did you get that text I just sent?” Most importantly, though, when they inevitably break it, or the latest version with all new features comes out, they whine to the parents until they get a new one.

The point is, I saw two different kids today, no more than 13 years old and both had iPhones. I want an iPhone, and if I can tear myself away from Pokémon long enough, I might just call Mom up and see what I can do about that.

Popularity: 4% [?]

I have grown to love my phone in a manner that I never thought I could love anyone, much less a piece of electronics.  I am not talking about anything kinky or bizarre, I mean come on, it is not that special of a phone.  Why do I love my phone?  It is not the hottest new gadget, it is not the most powerful one available, and it sure does not fit comfortably into my pocket.  I love my phone because it is a big blank box that I can configure into anything I want and stay connected to the world.  I can find or make any software that I want that will change my phone to the shape of the world as I see it.

As is often the case when someone lives in a place they would prefer to not, I frequently hear “I thought phones were just supposed to make calls” perhaps followed closely by a ”git-r-done.” I will then think to myself how ironic it is that the phone is one of my least used features.  After thinking this, I then ponder if I should give in to the urge to punch this guy in the face.  Sadly, I have always decided to abstain.  I say sadly because I feel that the world owes this guy a punch in the face and can only hope that someone far braver than I will come along and finish the job.

With my phone, I can instant message friends, check weather and movie times, make blog posts like this one, and prove to my friends that Lauren Graham really did have a guest spot in four episodes of NewsRadio.  I can give my phone an address, and the voice of John Cleese guides me safely to my destination, all while avoiding traffic and construction delays.  I can see an entire family sporting mullets and take a picture to show my friends.  I can easily input text on its QWERTY keyboard that is large enough to overcome the fact that I come from a long line of people with fat fingers. 

I like that it combines the mp3 player, digital camera, pda, and crappy laptop computer that I used to lug around.  I like my phone so much that I am willing to look like a tool wearing my phone in a belt holster because it is too large to fit comfortably  into my pocket.  I like my phone so much that I’m willing to look like an even bigger tool wearing a bluetooth headset on my ear because face grease makes the screen hard to read.  I like my phone so much I’ve made some preliminary sketches for a Lexan casing to protect it from the elements.  I like my phone so much I’m willing to set an alarm to sound right before I go to bed to remind me to charge it for fear that the battery will die and all my data will be erased. 

I like my phone so much that I will stick with it despite all the newer, more powerful, sexier models coming out - well at least until my contract expires.

Popularity: 3% [?]

On a quick note, American Joey Chestnut successfully out ate 6-time defending champ Takeru Kobayashi of Japan in the Nathan’s International July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Championship in Coney Island, New York.  Joey Chestnut beat his own world record of 59.5 hot dogs with 66 Hotdogs in 12 minutes.  Kobayashi also beat Chestnut’s old world record but finished second with 63 hot dogs in 12 minutes.  It truly is a proud day to be an American.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Whenever starting a new endeavor it is always appropriate to give a “Hello World!” People use those two oft written words so much in cliché that it is easy to forget the deeper meaning behind them. This is my site’s introduction to the world. That world could be anything from my Mom occasionally checking in to see what her son is doing or a mass readership of millions who hang on every word I pen. I am not concerned with the size of the microcosm my site creates because the reality is that I am going to use this site to write about things that interest me. This will mostly focus on technology and gadgets because I am very interested in that subject. This will not be a hard rule, as I will probably talk about games, TV shows, movies, and other things that are prevalent in nerdom. Still I will try to focus mostly on technology and avoid things like politics (except where pertaining to tech news) and knitting sweaters for kittens (who am I kidding; this site probably should have been named www.kittensweaterknitting.com). I am looking forward to the days to come and will leave you with this:

Hello World!

PS - I am not talking about buxom broads; I am actually referring to kittens who wear sweaters. For example:

Popularity: 2% [?]